Aren't We Being Funny!!!

Timeless

2011-12-11T22:21:00.001+05:30

Time traveling can leave u with a warped sense of humor.

Funny Crying

2011-06-17T13:53:00.001+05:30

I would let you cry on my shoulder but I am wearing a new shirt and it's white you wouldn't want your tear stains on it would you.

Joke Arts

2011-06-15T10:49:00.002+05:30

Before the Chinese invented Kung Fu everybody was having pre-martial sex

Working No Class

2011-01-23T08:22:00.000+05:30

Are those who use sexual favors to get ahead at work climbing the corporate lad?

Book Snake

2010-12-26T09:33:00.000+05:30

Playboy: A magazine you read between the loins

Look Funny Nekkid

2010-12-03T20:37:00.000+05:30

Dude of some acquaintance: I wish she would take off her clothes and dance naked.
Me: I am no expert on dancing but I guess if would be pretty difficult to dance naked without taking the clothes off.

Jollywood

2010-11-26T12:43:00.000+05:30

Try guessing the original film titles:

Solvent green - envy of those not bankrupt

A Bird Mind - a stork of genius

Pan pun

2010-11-16T09:52:00.001+05:30

Are Peter Pan's lovers pansexual or just fairies

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Customer-y Joke

2010-11-10T11:00:00.003+05:30

Customer: Am I speaking to a real person?

Agent: No sir we are all zombies here.

Being catty

2010-08-27T22:28:00.002+05:30

In a dog eat dog world learn to purr!

Laugh like a pig

2010-08-15T10:20:00.002+05:30

You can trust pigs. They never go bacon their promises.

Funnily Paradoxical

2010-08-06T13:38:00.001+05:30

Let me rewrite common declarations love in a way I can relate to.

I love me
I complete me
I had me at hello

I would hit/do/fuck me
I live for me
I would die to save my life ... but that ended up in a paradox.

Bonded

2010-07-10T20:23:00.000+05:30

"The bonds that we share". To me that sounds kinky.

Double funny

2010-06-20T20:22:00.001+05:30

Bisexual people have the worst of both worlds?

Half funny

2010-06-11T10:17:00.002+05:30

If I see my cup of woe as half empty am I being pessimistic or optimistic?

It's raining jokes

2010-05-19T16:22:00.002+05:30

Friend: It's raining outside.
Me: What do you want? To rain inside?

Sweeping Joke

2010-05-17T16:38:00.000+05:30

My friend was humping the vacuum I told him to get a broom.

Funny Fact

2010-04-03T13:43:00.001+05:30

I saw this signature used by someone in a forum:
"facts are stupid things" - Ronald Reagan

I think he/she wouldn't have liked it much if I had rephrased it as:
"Reagan is a stupid thing". Fact.

P.S: Let's not make this a political post any sexual relations you might have had with Reagan are matters between you and him.

Driving for a joke

2010-03-17T21:31:00.002+05:30

When I see those "How am I driving?" stickers on certain vehicles I feel like writing
"Like an arthritic old woman on sedatives" underneath.

Did Facebook kill the blog?

2010-02-16T10:38:00.000+05:30

You are like the sister I never had. Or wanted.

-------------
Well this blog isn't dead... not yet. Those on my Facebook might remember seeing the above line as my status message of the day. Maybe that's one reason I post less. Just thought I would let you know.

For I have skinned

2010-01-16T19:50:00.001+05:30

It's better to be uncomfortable in your own skin than in your victim's.

Rich humor

2010-01-11T10:36:00.000+05:30

Do you want to become a billionaire overnight?
Of course you do!!!

Now it's easy just follow this simple and fool proof technique developed by our experts. Thye are the top brains of theri respective fields. Who have tried it THEMSELVES.

1. Open a bank account and deposit some money.
2. Over a period of time follow the pattenr in which interest is added to your account. Soon you would be able to predict the exact date the bank adds interest - monthly, quarterly etc.
3. Now on the day before interest is going to be added, deposit ONLY $99,999,999 into your account.
4. Go to sleep.

The next day you will be a billionaire! Try this FOOL PROOF and TESTED technique!!! Don't be one of THOSE guys be a overnight billionaire!!!

Happy New One

2009-12-25T19:28:00.002+05:30

What would you tell a parents of a new born rabbit?
Happy New Hare!

Free kill

2009-12-09T17:46:00.000+05:30

Some guy in some show on TV: You kill for money? Isn't that disgusting?
Me: It is OK to kill for free?

Green Joke

2009-11-11T01:51:00.002+05:30

Preserve the environment. Dump vinegar over the forest.

Cheeky Roses

2009-10-30T02:56:00.001+05:30

I stopped to smell the flowers, and triggered my hay fever.

Cruel Intentions

2009-10-11T23:33:00.001+05:30

Sometimes you have to cruel to be kind. Sometimes you have to be cruel because it's fun.

Short Sighted Joke

2009-10-08T01:28:00.000+05:30

The last words of a guy who had been myopic for all his life:
"I've lived a spectacle-r life"

Photography is funny

2009-09-20T07:29:00.000+05:30

Great photo... considering the ugliness of the people in it.

Center of the Universe

2009-09-03T05:52:00.000+05:30

Scientists I hear are doing a lot of research to find the center of the universe. Am I that difficult to find?

Devil's Zone

2009-08-08T17:54:00.000+05:30

If an idle mind is a devil's workshop in your mind the devil must have built a complete industrial zone.

The Mo Fa

2009-07-25T20:48:00.002+05:30

Are you allowed to refer to nannies as mother fakers?

Poor Chemistry

2009-07-19T10:06:00.000+05:30

Chemists don't often get rich but they can get phosphorous.

Jumpy Frog

2009-07-05T20:01:00.000+05:30

Why was the frog nervous?
He had butterflies in his stomach.

We interrupt

2009-06-29T01:47:00.001+05:30

irregular blogging for a dose of awesomely awesome.

Go read about The Golden Ganesh in my other blog.

Poles Together

2009-06-27T14:26:00.000+05:30

Polar bears are found in the Arctic but not in the Antarctic. Which is good otherwise they would be bipolar bears!

Winning isn't enough

2009-06-20T14:54:00.000+05:30

May the best man win.
I'll settle for the most sponsorships!

(And no I don't want to buy any performance enhancing drugs either.)

Save this joke

2009-06-06T20:55:00.002+05:30

A stitch in time travel saves nine imagination-challenged sci-fi writers.

Beastly puns

2009-05-31T13:01:00.000+05:30

While bulls might be ready to hump anything that moos for stallions it's always mare the merrier.

Fly by humor

2009-05-16T11:13:00.003+05:30

A spider walked into a bar in a high security war zone and left soon after.
It was in a no fly zone.

Hare Trigger

2009-05-09T22:53:00.000+05:30

Now that Easter is long over the Easter bunny got bored and joined a different religious organization. Said rabbit is now a Hare Rama, Hare Krishna.

Murder she joked.

2009-04-30T12:32:00.001+05:30

So I see in some of these traditional weddings and they say "till death do they part". and I can't help wondering if they are giving the newly-weds ideas.

A few bad men

2009-04-13T09:52:00.000+05:30

Orator: Now is the time for all good men to come together
Me: Oh I better be going then.

Soulful Laugh

2009-03-29T20:43:00.002+05:30

I tried to sell my soul but the devil wouldn't touch it.

Bear-ly funny

2009-03-14T09:18:00.000+05:30

In America you have the right to bear arms.
Thanks but I would rather keep my human arms... what with opposable thumbs being cool and all.

Hard Dry Humor

2009-03-08T20:47:00.000+05:30

There was this investment bank that invested in a company that made hard, dry biscuits. The first few months fetched great returns so soon they invested more and again made lot of profit on the investment. Then the bank decided to invest in more companies making hard, dry biscuits. Soon they had invested a very large portion of their funds in the hard, dry biscuit market and sure enough the investment soured. Customer preferences changed the hard, dry biscuits weren't selling much. Many hard, dry biscuit makers suffered losses a few even closed. The bank made massive losses. The bank itself went insolvent. The conclusion of market analysts was that their rusk-taking didn't pay off!

Up, up and stay

2009-02-27T20:47:00.000+05:30

This is a job for Superman...actually it was before he was laid off.

We all knee some loving

2009-02-21T21:21:00.001+05:30

I make women go weak at the knees.
I am osteoporosis.

Health Scare

2009-02-12T20:54:00.003+05:30

Laughter is the best medicine but I guess that wasn't why the doctor and nurse laughed all through my physical examination.

Scary Movie

2009-02-01T21:08:00.005+05:30

I don't really like horror films. They all seem to be the made from the same mould and give the viewers a sense of deja boo.

Lame Joke

2009-01-26T14:13:00.000+05:30

You heard of the detective who had a prosthetic leg?

Well one day his leg was stolen and he was stumped.

Politically correct

2009-01-13T18:59:00.001+05:30

Whats the difference between the parliamentary and presidential systems?

In one we have Members of Parliament in the other we have Pricks in the Senate.

Suits you right

2009-01-01T15:35:00.001+05:30

In the faraway land there lived a simple and peaceful people. Unfortunately as was often the case their peaceful nature was misused by their king who ruled with despotic disdain. He made the most cruel laws against expression of free speech. He taxed them almost all of the little they made. He made every business his own monopoly. The simple folk put up with this and accepted it as their lot. They ate less, spent less, they made do. The one thing that kept them going was that they knew how bad things would be they could always count on the king to host a grand ball on New Year's eve. That day they could forget their year of sorrow and hope that the next one would be better. That day they could dress up. Women would wear those lovely gowns that hid less than they showed. Men would be in their best suits and ties. They would dance and drink and dance some more.

Then one day the king decided that he would take possession of the sole garment factory in the land. Soon after the prices of shirts rose, the prices of skirts rose, the prices of trousers went up, and soon people were wearing rags. They never revolted however, meekly putting up with it as usual. They skimped on their cloth purchases wearing the same old rags again and again. Saving one good outfit for the New Year's eve ball they made do. Then the king hit upon another devious idea. He imposed a tax on the wearing of lovely gowns that the women wore for the ball. Soon after he imposed a tax on the men's suits too. Again the people accepted their fate and for the ball the women turned up in dowdy everyday clothing.

The king then not knowing his limits decided that all ties in the land will be confiscated and for the ball the men had to rent them. So soldiers went about confiscating ties brutally attacking those who refused to part with their ties. This time the people were angered beyond their endurance. They revolted. They hung the king from the ramparts of his forts. The land became one of the first democracies.

Not even the most peaceable people on earth could ever put up with such an atrocious tie rent could they?

Sweet Heart

2008-12-27T21:01:00.000+05:30

I told her "I have entrusted you with my heart please take care of it. Don't hurt it don't break it".
She smiled and told me you should trust your
...

cardiologist.

Web Disabled

2008-12-25T22:00:00.002+05:30

Itsy bitsy spider
Went up the water spout
and jumped to it's death
... it was caught in a web of depression and self hate

Schadenfreude

2008-12-21T15:18:00.000+05:30

Why so serious? Was is something I said?

I hope so!

Brun baby brun

2008-12-13T13:03:00.001+05:30

In the medieval ages there was this small village where the entire population was dyslexic. They burned their witches at the skate.

Green humor

2008-11-30T22:26:00.000+05:30

What the boastful Lawn mower said: to mow me is to love me.

Travel Advisory

2008-11-15T23:20:00.000+05:30

Be careful when traveling in Scotland you could get yourself kilt.

Laughing Stock

2008-11-08T18:37:00.000+05:30

I was about to post a joke about the stock market but it lost 20% of it's funniness before I could type this.

(Pssst see what I did with the title? har har)

Totally Complete

2008-10-28T10:40:00.001+05:30

Before:
My darling, she completes me!
After:
Bitch, she almost finished me!

Economics

2008-10-18T20:54:00.000+05:30

Money talks but never stays around long enough to really have meaningful conversations.

First person singular

2008-10-09T18:58:00.000+05:30

It was nice talking to you ... about me.

Taxing Inheritance

2008-09-27T13:12:00.001+05:30

To my son I leave 100000 dollars and to my daughter an equal sum.
To my beloved wife 200000 dollars

...of debt.

Lipstick and pigs

2008-09-19T22:24:00.002+05:30

If you put lipstick on a 100 pigs you just found a new market niche for Revlon.

(Any political implications are purely coincidental.)

An Ugly Sight

2008-09-09T14:19:00.001+05:30

That day at the movies I saw someone who for a moment I thought was you... he was that ugly.

No strings fun

2008-09-02T10:38:00.000+05:30

Guitarists are promiscuous they know nothing of "fiddle"-ity.

(I think I am missing out on a "sex"aphone joke somewhere.)

Fit Fetish

2008-08-29T22:20:00.001+05:30

I did try to put myself in your shoes but I seldom wear stilettos.

Me Two

2008-08-23T20:55:00.000+05:30

I don't think either of me suffers from split personality disorder.

Neo neo-conservatism.

2008-08-19T17:33:00.000+05:30

You are either with us or with the dead.

Elite Comrades

2008-08-10T22:18:00.001+05:30

I am willing to be communist as long as I get to choose who communes with me.

Edit: I think I should have titled this post "Gated Communism".

No Boast

2008-08-05T09:47:00.000+05:30

I don't usually boast coz I wouldn't know where to begin!

World Stage

2008-07-31T17:08:00.000+05:30

All the world is a stage and all men and women mere players
except those who are stars and those who are the paparazzi.

Stupid Orgasms

2008-07-23T13:20:00.002+05:30

If ignorance is bliss is stupidity orgasmic?

Beauty Beer

2008-07-14T10:39:00.000+05:30

I and Aphrodite walked into a bar. As I looked lovingly into her eyes I saw reflected in them the beer barrels that had been stacked alongside the wall. Yes my brethren hope you will agree with me when I say in this case at least ... "beer holders are in the eyes of beauty"

New Definition

2008-07-07T15:04:00.000+05:30

Whipper snapper : A short-tempered dominatrix.

Not a blonde joke

2008-06-30T14:10:00.001+05:30

For the gentlemen who prefer blondes - love is in the hair?

Funny Pythons

2008-06-20T16:45:00.001+05:30

I like the old Monty Python* stuff but I think the episodes in which they cross dress can tend to drag.

* In honor of Dr X-Dell.

A kick ass joke

2008-06-16T10:43:00.000+05:30

Turn the other cheek... but not when your opponent kicks ass ;)

Fun with food

2008-06-06T15:27:00.001+05:30

Q: Do you know what the croissant told the burger?

A: I doughnut know either.

Grow Up Already

2008-06-02T11:37:00.002+05:30

X-Dell started reading this and since then he no longer acts childishly.
Enemy since she started reading reports a growth in her maturity levels.
Libby feels more responsible these days.
Foam is handling people who "road hog" her in a manner befitting a good citizen.

Why? Coz my puns make them "grown".

True Power

2008-05-26T14:57:00.001+05:30

Knowledge may be power but libraries still have to buy electricity.

Skipper

2008-05-17T17:24:00.001+05:30

As the last part of my exercise routine I jump rope on most days but when I am too tired I skip it.

Islanders

2008-04-22T14:52:00.003+05:30

No man is an island - but only some men own one.

I have restarted my other blog My Travels, Travails, and Thoughts in case you want to be part of the welcome party head over there.

Home Charity

2008-04-20T09:34:00.001+05:30

Charity might begin at home but tax exemptions don’t.

Penniless

2008-04-14T12:39:00.000+05:30

If someone doesn't have a penny to their name it could mean they have a NUMBERED Swiss bank account.

Endless Boast

2008-04-05T11:13:00.001+05:30

Assuming I find immortality how long can I boast about it?

Mutually Opposite

2008-04-03T11:53:00.002+05:30

We have a love hate relationship – I love her. She hates me.'

( Obviously this is a fictitious "her". Hating me isn't possible.)

Kosher Food

2008-03-31T20:54:00.000+05:30

If gator is not kosher is Gatorade?

Pigeon S--t

2008-03-27T12:55:00.001+05:30

Those who understand pigeons don’t stand under them.

Enlarge it.

2008-03-20T14:03:00.000+05:30

Give your woman the ultimate pleasure, enlarge your … insurance.

Handiwork

2008-03-15T18:47:00.001+05:30

I tried my hand at being a sex specialist...

Period. One more.

2008-03-11T16:38:00.000+05:30

After I read that book on punctuation I got the point of the period.

Own Money

2008-03-02T10:24:00.002+05:30

He was a self made man he even "self made" his money.

All you guys assemble, next Friday, at my yacht in Monaco . The party starts at midnight and will last the whole weekend. Dress like you were getting an Oscar.

Yes my friends, this is my 150th post on this blog. See you in Monaco.

Naming my nerve

2008-02-28T12:54:00.000+05:30

You know the one about the cantankerous neurosurgeon?

She can get on your nerve and name it too.

Suspect a doubt

2008-02-24T22:08:00.000+05:30

English is a strange language:

If I doubt the existence of a god I am an atheist.If I suspect the existence of a god I am a theist

Fish Hilton

2008-02-16T10:48:00.000+05:30

Q: What’s the difference between Paris Hilton and a small eel ?

A: One is a dispenser of small shocks to those around the other is a fish.

Teacher's Pet

2008-02-12T16:23:00.000+05:30

I could have been a teacher's pet then I realized it meant being locked in a cage and being fed a diet of seeds.

Off beat

2008-02-02T15:25:00.000+05:30

There was this policeman who would joke and laugh and generally be merry all the time while at work but the moment he got off work he would become silent and subdued. I guess his humor wasn't off beat.

Bear with this

2008-01-29T20:36:00.000+05:30

Polars hibernate that is they bearly sleep.